Australian Penthouse

What do Adam Spencer, Amanda and Jonesy, Underbelly’s Roy Billing and Triple J’s ‘The Doctor’ have in common?

They go dry — every July!

Give your drinking hand a rest by taking part in Dry July this year. Abstain from alcohol for the month of July and get people to sponsor your efforts via the Dry July website. Now in its third year, the charity donates its proceeds to hospitals across Australia to improve the lives of adults living with cancer.

Dry July began as an idea amongst mates in June 2007 to ease off the beers for a month whilst raising money for a cause very close to their hearts. Since the beginning, the number of hospitals benefiting from the donations has increased from just one in NSW to now ten nationally.

Australian Penthouse had a chat with Dry July Ambassador Lindsay McDougall — Frenzal Rhomb guitarist and Triple J presenter (The Doctor) — about pants, ginger beer and Amanda Vanstone.

Who benefits from Dry July?

Well for one, I benefit. Because I’m not drinking for a whole month. And, in a way, that means everyone benefits. My girlfriend, because she doesn’t need to listen to me trying to find my keys to get in the house when they’re in my hand, and I’m already in the house. My friends because they don’t have to listen to my boring stories – unless they listen to my radio show from 3PM every weekday. The pub because they don’t need to employ extra bouncers to explain to me that I can’t come in without a collar. Or pants.

And I suppose there’s about ten hospital charities involved too.

It’s also a month of being able to say to people I don’t really like that much “You know I’d love to, but I’m not drinking at the moment so I’d better not go there. Any other month though…”

And it’s a way of proving to straight edge punk rockers that being self-righteous AND having fun aren’t mutually exclusive.

And how did you get involved with this incredibly beneficial initiative?

I served as Minister of Immigration for most of John Howard’s prime ministership, until the embarrassments I caused the Coalition were too much, and I was bundled off to Italy where they thought I’d do less harm…

Sorry, sometimes I accidentally channel Amanda Vanstone.

We’ve all been there at some stage and that’s okay… But in real life, how did you end up as a Dry July ambassador?

The lovely people from Dry July just asked me a couple of years ago.

So you’ve done Dry July before — have you got any tips for the amateurs?

This is the third year I’m doing Dry July. If you need to raise more money, may I suggest the age-old practice of playing dirty. If a friend or associate is doing better than you, spike their coffee with whiskey, or their lemonade with vodka. Have them disqualified and suggest that their sponsors now sponsor you.

Also, sponsor yourself. A lot. It gives you a much greater incentive to keep sober.

Do you find the idea of not drinking for a month difficult to grapple with?

I used to find most things difficult to grapple with. That is until I started drinking new Grapple EXXXtreme! The goodness of Apple, blended with pure liquidised Granite. Drink hard for instant improved grapplability. Free 600 ml bottle with every copy of Penthouse sold. Ask your newsagent or pornographer for details.

Okay, sure. Have you managed to recruit any devil-may-care, hard-drinking Australian musicians to the cause?

I had planned to convince Jimmy Barnes, Phil from Grinspoon and Bon Scott, but then I heard they were sober, or dead, or both. So I went one better and now Triple J’s Zan Rowe is taking the Dry July challenge. And if there’s anyone more hard drinking than an Australian musician, it’s an Australian radio presenter.

What non-alcoholic beverage will you and Zan be drinking throughout July?

New Grapple Smooth – We’ve taken the drinkability of Grapple EXXXtreme and added silky smooth nicotine. Now the thing that’s killing you is ALSO making you stronger!

Well, that or a ginger beer.

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