Australian Penthouse

The crowd at this year's pub crawl

Australian Penthouse joins the World’s Greatest Pub Crawl

The World’s Greatest Pub Crawl gets off to a great start. As I jump on a bus to Maryborough, Queensland, I’m greeted by a string of babes spread across the back seat, with beer cans strapped to their heads.

Although the bus oozes with skimpy outfits and defiance, I must try to focus; I’m on a very important mission. Today, these girls and I will take part in a huge assault against one of the globe’s mightiest cities, New York—the current holder of the ‘World’s Greatest Pub Crawl’ title.

Maryborough, a provincial city 25km south of Hervey Bay with a population of 26,000, has never been so hungry for a win. It’s competing against a metropolis of eight million people, double the population of the entire state of Queensland. It needs to beat the current record of 3163 punters, set by New Yorkers during St Patrick’s Day celebrations in March 2009.

Maryborough locals are so passionate about the pub crawl because they “own” it. The city created the event back in 2005, along with the first Guinness World Record (1198 punters). Since then, the crown has been lost only twice—once to London, and now to New York. As we journey the highway in a convoy, spirits are high. The pub crawl calls for fancy dress, and every time the bus stops to pick up passengers, there’s a chance for a laugh. Homer Simpson hops on board, complete with yellow skin, ping-pong ball eyes and Duff beer.

When the bus finally arrives in Maryborough, we follow the throng towards our first stop, the Central. In all, 13 pubs participate in the crawl. To be officially counted as part of the world-record attempt, punters need to buy a card for $3, visit 10 pubs, buy a drink at each, and get their card stamped. All within seven hours.

With no time to waste, we head off to the Old Sydney Hotel, where things are looking a bit subdued until we discover the great outdoor area, where AC/DC is pumping from the back of a truck. Awesome.

Next stop, the Oxford, where a facsimile of porn legend John Holmes sports an enormous plastic penis, foam cowboy hat and dressing gown. People adorn his schlong with graffiti.

Despite all the fast boozing, don’t dare suggest that the pub crawl is about binge drinking, especially to Clay Clayton, founding committee member of the pub crawl and owner of two participating pubs.

“It is not about binge drinking, it is about breaking a world record, having fun and joining together in a festival atmosphere,” says Clayton. “We live in an over-regulated society that seems to get tougher towards anything that people may enjoy. There will always be a minority that go overboard and ruin it for everyone else.”

There is also a charitable element to the festivities. This year, the colour pink prevails, in support of the McGrath Foundation for breast cancer awareness. Clayton hopes to raise $10,000 for the Foundation, along with $20,000 for local charities.

Just before 6:00pm, we hand over our stamped cards and, Bundy and Coke in hand, wait for the results to be calculated in the poker room of Clayton’s Post Office Hotel, which doubles as Pub Crawl Headquarters.

At 7:45pm, with many continuing the party, the announcement is made: Maryborough, you’ve done it—all 4657 of you! Woo-hoo!

The following morning, the front page of the local newspaper screams, ‘Big Apple Crumbles’. Yes, the world record is back where it belongs.

It turns out that 8000 enthusiastic and patriotic punters attended the event. It makes you proud to be an Australian.

By R.J. Edur

The World’s Greatest Pub Crawl takes place in Maryborough, Qld, every June long weekend. Check out: www.worldsgreatestpubcrawl.com for more

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