Australian Penthouse

Erika Eleniak in Under Siege... (see end of article for pic credit)

Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing, and that’s what happened to Erika Eleniak. For this American beauty, life has been a struggle against the highs and lows of her bouncing bosom.
The pressure of owning what would become known (albeit briefly) as The Best Natural Breasts in the World drove Erika to drugs and drink as a teenager. By the time she was 18, she’d tried everything from marijuana to crystal meth, and ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Yet at that same tender age, Erika’s breasts beat down Hugh Hefner’s door and leapt onto the pages of Playboy magazine, before taking over the cover a little more than a year later. Her boobs were more than magnificent, they were a source of energy, so much so that other women’s breasts were drawn into orbit around them.

Of course, this anomaly of physics worked perfectly for Baywatch, where she shone as Shauni, the blonde who hijacked the minds of men in the first three years of the legendary TV series. Then Erika’s breasts got greedy. In fact, in Baywatch: Rescued from Prime Time, author Gregory Bonann noted that Erika’s second set of implants were ‘’practically circus big…so big she couldn’t run.”

Unfortunately, she lost her role on Baywatch shortly after. Erika’s subsequent acting career was a battle between her talent and her boobs’ need for showboating.

Her breasts were controlling her career. If they had a chance to rub against some guy’s chest or bust out naked in front of the camera, they took the role. Which sounds fine, but the C-grade horror movies were often so bad they actually received minus score ratings.

Occasionally, there was a compromise.

For example, in Under Siege (pictured above), she plays a stripper who jumps out of a cake topless, yet she shows real range by acting like she’s attracted to Steven Seagal. Nowadays, you need computer graphics to pull that off.

Erika’s best performance is definitely in The Opponent, where she plays a super-fit boxer who quickly overwhelms her rivals. It’s not hard to see why—if it were me, I would have a hard time throwing hooks around my boner.

Once again, Erika’s breasts got too greedy. When she refused them more implants, they gorged themselves, and the rest of Erika suffered. Overweight and lacking in confidence (read: ‘acting work’), she joined the reality TV show, Celebrity Fit Club, in 2006 to undo her knockers’ evil work.

I tuned in every week, breathless to see whether Erika could beat her tits…hopefully without making them shrink too much in comparison with her waist. Now Erika’s back in awesome shape, and I’m sure she can now once again secure better roles. She just needs the help of a good, strong, erect man to help stay on top of her breasts.

Know anyone who fits the bill?

Image from film, Under Siege, copyright 1992 Warner Bros Pictures. Gathered from celebritymoviearchive.com. If you are the owner of these images and wish to have them removed, contact us.

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