Australian Penthouse

Amazed at the limp response I get from the so-called sex emporiums of Australia’s largest city, I head west, to see if the other side of the nation fares any better. It turns out, it does. Club 316 at North Perth offers an immediate: “Yes, several of our girls do” response when I enquire, as does one of its chief rivals.

Langtrees Perth—a favourite port of call for visiting US sailors on leave —explains: “Anal is most definitely part of our service, yes. It’s $100 extra and does depend on the lady, of course. It is mainly Asian and African ladies who offer it, but there are a few Australian ladies who do also.”

Pleasantly surprised—and curiously bewildered by an apparent reticence in Sydney—I head across the Tasman, to Auckland and Wellington. Both cities, it seems, offer a similar service to our friends in Western Australia. Femme Fatale, at Auckland, informs me: “Anal? Yes. It is an extra $120 on top of our standard rate. Quite a few of the girls do it.” Further south in the Kiwi capital, Il Bordello is equally as accommodating: “Yes, anal is offered as part of our service. Some of our ladies do it. It’s $50 extra, depending on the lady”.

Buoyed by these revelations, I decide to try anal while on a few dates in Melbourne and, later, Brisbane. The first lady doesn’t mind the idea, but doesn’t jump at the chance (a case of Victorian prudishness, perhaps?), while my Sunshine State dinner date can’t wait to get cracking. Again and again, as it turns out. Which does worry me. Having been an anal novice, I begin to feel like I could ‘ride the rodeo’ all night long—but I’m not convinced that the instant thumbs up is actually what I was after.

All-too quickly, the face of Mickey Rourke smirking about simulating anal sex on the big screen, Golden Globe in hand, enters my head. If I’m getting it too quickly, too easily, it doesn’t have the same appeal somehow. Unless it’s a one-nighter, of course.

According to a 2007 study, 22 per cent of 18-25-year-olds are experimenting with anal sex. Aside from the usual STD risks associated with not keeping the trunk covered, a more disturbing subject—anal cancer—emerges.

I discover that in the past 40 years, anal cancer— still a rare form of the disease,  inadvertently dragged into the headlines recently with the untimely death of 1970s goddess Farrah Fawcett—has increased by almost 80 per cent in women. The suggestion is that that if you have too much anal sex, as with anything in life, the consequences can be deadly. Or at the very least, damn painful.

Australian Penthouse’s resident sexpert, Billie, sums up her love for anal in good, old-fashioned, no-nonsense terms: “There’s so much of it in porn! If there’s not plenty of anal, people get upset. I reckon if you’re a porn star and you don’t do anal, you got a lot less work. Society has changed a lot since porn went mainstream. [Anal] is like the final thing you can do. In the past 10 or 15 years the awareness, followed quickly by the practice, has exploded. Now you see double, and even triple, penetration!”

Billie

Does this mean that we are happy to try it at home, but not talk about it in public? “I talk about it with my girlfriends, but we’re all open-minded about sex,” says Billie. “Just because more people are trying it out, doesn’t mean you can talk about it over lunch. Anything taboo is going to be more sexy.

“I like it because it’s naughty, not because it necessarily feels better. I had one girlfriend ask me how to approach it with her boyfriend, because she was curious; you’ve got to prepared. Get the lube ready, for starters! And communicate with your lady. It can get a bit messy!

“In fact, that’s the thing that girls always ask me: “Will I shit myself?” Don’t expect to get it with a girl on the first night, unless she’s a dirty ho! And always use a condom. Particularly if it’s a first-nighter.”

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