Australian Penthouse

There’s smart, there’s witty, and there’s the just plain ridiculous. Penthouse reveals the Top 10 funniest porn titles of all time

See the list as it was published in the magazine by clicking on the preview pages below:

Edward Penishands (1991)

Producer: Video Team
Director: Paul Norman
Starring: Sikki Nixx, Jeanna Fine, Alexandria Quinn, Jamie Leigh
THE LOWDOWN: This stick flick loosely follows the plot of the classic Edward Scissorhands, so it definitely deserves pride of place. Alexandria Quinn plays Patricia, a door-to-door dildo saleswoman who bumps into Edward Penishands (Sikki Nixx) in the attic of a castle. He’s been in hiding, as, unbelievably, no-one wants anything to do with him and his freakish cock hands. However, Pat is extremely accepting of Ed and takes him home, where he falls in love with her daughter (Jeanna Fine). A few memorable scenes include Edward masturbating (weird), helping women get off with his three dicks, and failing dismally at dinner when he can’t pick up his spaghetti.

ATM Machines #2 (2003)

Producer: Digital Sin
Director: Jonni Darkko
Starring: Ashley Blue, Julie Night, Venus, Naudia Nice, Elizabeth Lawrence
THE LOWDOWN: Five anal-sex loving girls, including multiple AVN Award winner Ashley Blue and Melbourne-born Elizabeth Lawrence, steam up the small screen with the usual mix of oral, vaginal and bottom sex…but there’s something extra: arse-to-mouth—you know, where a guy pulls out of a girl’s back passage and puts it straight in her mouth. While the title’s pretty clever, it’s definitely not the most arousing.

Strollin’ in the Colon (2008)

Producer: Hustler
Director: Richard de Montfort
Starring: Harmony, Tyla Wynn, Mae Victoria, Cindy Crawford (no, not that one)
THE LOWDOWN: This had to be in our Top 10—it won the Most Clever Porn Title award at the 2009 Adult Video News Awards. “It’s like an anal documentary,” says director, Richard de Montfort. While he doesn’t actually appear in the strange movie, de Montfort commentates on the action throughout. At one point, he asks raunchy redhead Mae Victoria if her arsehole is “real”, to which she replies, “Yes.” Thank God.

Big Trouble in Little Vagina  (2006)

Producer: First Strike
Director: Astrux
Starring: Daisy Marie, Kyla King, Kelly Kline, Mysti May
THE LOWDOWN: It might sound like the saucy sequel to 1986 action-adventure Big Trouble in Little China, but unfortunately there’s no resemblance whatsoever—no kung-fu, no kidnappings, no immortal sorcerer, and not even one Kurt Russell look-alike. In fact, most of the scenes in this cheapo flick are shot in a lounge room. The best part about Big Trouble in Little Vagina is definitely the cast. Daisy Marie has appeared in 260 pornos, Kelly Kline in 200, and Mysti May in 80. They know what they’re doing.

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