Australian Penthouse

Sex Trek: The Next Penetration (1990)

Producer: Moonlight
Director: Scotty Fox
Starring: Jeanna Fine, Devon Shire, Peter North, Marilyn Rose, Randy Spears
THE LOWDOWN: The Next Penetration has three things going for it: the title is great, the cast is fantastic, and so are the character names. There’s Ms Hole from Youranus (seven-time AVN Award winner Jeanna Fine), Mr Sperm (Mike Horner, who has appeared in almost 1000 skin flicks) and Dr Boner McJoy (Joey Silvera), just to name a few. The plot details how the Sex Trek team aims to exploit the fuck-hungry female inhabitants of Uranus. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard would say, “Engorge!”

The Sperminator (1985)

Producer: Video X Pix
Director: Allan Stuart
Starring: Rachel Ashley, Honey Wilder, Karen Summer, Crystal Breeze
THE LOWDOWN: They missed a golden opportunity with this one. Instead of the movie revolving around time travel, cyborgs and human annihilation, it’s about a doctor (Honey Wilder) who runs a sex clinic and dispatches her lesbian assistant Brenda (Crystal Breeze) to have a root with client Heather (Rachel Ashley). There may not be any square-jawed Austrians in sight, but full marks for cashing in with the title.

A Little Cumster in the Dumpster (2006)

Producer: Acid Rain
Director: Uncredited
Starring: Annie Cruz, Katie Ray, Lilly, Sascha, Veronica Jett
THE LOWDOWN: The title really speaks for itself. With anal, oral, facials and ATM, this is about as hardcore as it gets. If we printed the official synopsis, we’d probably be arrested. Seriously, though, we asked our friends at AdultShop.com which titles they thought were the funniest, and this was their number-one pick. We bow to their supreme carnal knowledge.

Boobaholics Anonymous #4 (2008)

Producer: Jules Jordan Video
Director: Mike John
Starring: Cassandra Calogera, Riley Evans, Whitney Stevens, Erika Vution
THE LOWDOWN: Six girls, 12 extremely massive boobs, and here’s something that’s rare these days—none of the bouncing bosoms on display are fake! Mike John, director of more than 120 adult movies, doesn’t do anything too revolutionary here, but there is a lot of quality titty fucking…

Throbbin’ Hood (1987)

Producer: Caballero Videos
Director: Scotty Fox
Starring: Britt Morgan, Rick Savage, Bionca, Jessica Wylde
THE LOWDOWN: Set in modern-day San Francisco, this raunchy retelling of Robin Hood sees Throbbin’ Hood (Rick Savage) fighting off horny maidens while robbing the evil rich. With Friar Suck and Little Dong at his side, the outlaw and his band of very merry men ‘assist’ Marion (Britt Morgan), hooker Trixie (Bionca) and spoiled rich girl, Alexis (Jessica Wylde). Throbbin’ definitely likes to fire his pink arrow…

Lord of the Cock Ring (2002)

Producer: Hollywood Sales
Director: Casey & Peter O’Brian
Starring: Kyle Richards, Logan Reed, Scott Mann, Matt Fuller
THE LOWDOWN: We don’t usually feature gay male stuff in Penthouse (not that there’s anything wrong with it), but the title’s so good, we just had to throw it in—it’s so simple, yet so dodgy. According to the back cover, “the one that holds the ring rules the world”, and can have sex with whoever they want. There aren’t any talking trees in this version, but there is plenty of wood.

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