Australian Penthouse

Allan & Barbara Pease have written 15 best-sellers, and sold more than 25 million copies of their many relationship books. Kate Hutchinson speaks to Allan Pease about infatuation, ‘high’ hormones, and the couple’s new book, Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love…

What is it that makes your relationship books so successful?
We use a formula. Firstly, we have science and hard facts, which prove that what we are saying is true. This is important because facts appeal to male readers. We tend to favour evolutionary biologists, psychiatrists and brain scanners.

Secondly, we have real-life stories, which show that the things we talk about actually happen to real people, including us. Finally, we try to make the books as humorous as possible so that people laugh; when people laugh, it’s a proven fact that their recall rate is higher.

Personally, what was the most interesting part of researching your new book, Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love? Discovering the fact that in the early stages of love, when an individual is hormonally driven, the ‘cocaine region’ of the brain is activated. The feelings you get from a cocaine high are the same as those that you feel when you fall in love—and both circumstances hinder rational decision-making. However, for most people, 90 per cent of those ‘high’ hormones have disappeared 12 to 24 months into a relationship. Men and women wake up and just see another person, whereas at the beginning they saw a person that they simply couldn’t live without. It’s a biology game.

Do people get addicted to the feelings associated with a love high?
Yes, of course. People can get addicted to the early stage of love, where there is a lot of sex and romance involved. Usually, these people are classified as ‘sex addicts’. When the feeling wears off, they move on to a new relationship.

How can we prevent these irrational thoughts from occurring?
You can’t stop the hormones, but by being aware of this biology game, you can know what the likely outcomes are going to be, so you don’t fool yourself.

Do you have any advice for single men looking to meet a partner?
Write a list of your perfect life partner. You can be as picky as you want— brunette, green eyes, smart, funny, etc. The minute you write the list, these women will start walking right in front of you, and you will see them everywhere. The brain can only focus on about five per cent of what’s in your environment at any one time, and that’s the key: You write a list of what you want in your environment, and then you suddenly begin picking up on these people. It’s a very simple yet very powerful technique.

And for married couples?
A relationship, in very simple terms, is a negotiation once the hormones wear off. Women need to realise that they can’t change a man. Males have 10-20 times more sex-drive than most women, and a man is the same when he’s 40 as he is when he’s 20—just fatter and balder.

Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love (HarperCollins, RRP $29.95) is available in bookstores nationally.

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