Australian Penthouse

Gillian Anderson with co-star David Duchovny in the 2008 movie The X-Files: I Want To Believe, and bottom left, topless in the 2007 release Straightheads, and bottom right, in the 1993 release The Turning. Image credits at bottom of article

In The X-Files, Gillian Anderson made us Want To Believe that we could get with a brainiac ice-queen like her FBI agent character, Dana Scully.

With her beautiful, powder-blue eyes, headjob lips and porcelain skin, I wanted Scully to fiddle with my bits on the off-chance I ended up on the slab after back-woods mutants used me to host an alien virus.

As The X-Files TV series took off in the early 1990s, extra-terrestrials weren’t the only ones who wanted to implant something inside Dana Scully. Hardcore fans like me conducted an investigation into the woman behind the straight-laced skeptic, and we were very happy to find plenty of contradictions. Gillian was actually a wild child who was into the Dead Kennedys and got arrested on her high school graduation night. She claimed, “My natural tendency is [to be] destructive,” and in her first film, The Turning, she unleashed the spellbinding puppies so cruelly confined in Scully’s starched white blouses. It’s a truly awful film, but the vision of a topless Gillian helped our x-ray vision get through Scully’s previously impenetrable pants-suits (she’s a natural blonde, by the way).

Gillian is also quite petite. In fact, she is so short that in the show she often had to stand or walk on apple boxes to ensure that her head was higher in the shot than the top of (self-confessed sex addict) David Duchovny’s erection.

As Scully, Gillian had an annoying habit of always trying to rationalise everything. At the same time, it was extremely sexy, bringing back memories of some amazing sexual encounters. You know, those girls who say: “I don’t usually have sex between courses on a first date, I’m just stressed,” or “There’s no way I could have caused that bruising on your penis, your bike seat must be too hard.”

From there, it took only a little imagination to think that after a hard day of dealing with carnies, aliens and giant, radioactive flatworms, Scully might kick off some stress by sucking on a bottle of Jack, stripping off, and getting a little freaky herself. That episode never aired, but it’s clear that Gillian isn’t quite as moral as the upright, Catholic FBI agent.

In fact, if there’s one thing in which she Wants To Believe, it’s divorce. During her second brief marriage, Gillian had a son by her lover a few months before her split. Perhaps she tried to ‘Scully’ her hubby (“Clyde, there’s simply no conclusive evidence…”), but the signs are there to show that Gillian is powerless to contain the incredible sexual energy bottled up inside her.

One tattoo warns guys with the words ‘every day’ written in Sanskrit on her right wrist, and the ‘P’ inked on her left hip is like a sign to indicate parking available in the garage below.

Towards the end of the TV series, it was implied that Scully and Mulder finally put some ‘X’ into The X-Files, but it was never shown.

Fortunately, the adult-film industry took up the slack where viewers’ imaginations left off. The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody isn’t out until 2010, but I can tell you that a dead ringer for Gillian Anderson (Kimberly Kane) gets into a mass orgy sex scene with cult members, and later has a threesome in an alley.

Throughout The X-Files, hints were dropped that Scully was immortal and would never age. Perhaps it was Gillian herself, because when she attended the premiere of the 2008 movie, The X-Files: I Want To Believe, she remained smokin’ hot. The truth? It’s not out there—it’s in your pants. It’s been there all along.

By Dominic Cadden

Image credits: Still images from Straightheads and The Turning taken from celebritymoviearchive.com. If you are the owner of these images and wish to have them removed, please contact us. Image from The X-Files: I Want To Believe from 20th Century Fox publicity.

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