CONGRATULATIONS to our winners!

I. McKibbin, Beverley, SA

K. Wilson, Seymour, Vic

J. Bennett, Tongala, Vic

C. Chappell, Caboolture, Qld

K. Staines, Crows Nest, Qld

Bursting onto the American country music scene in 2004, Gretchen Wilson’s girl-next-door appeal and ballsy, honest lyrics made her an instant fan favourite. Continue reading “WINNERS: Gretchen Wilson country CDs” »

Fontaine Press and Australian Penthouse are offering 5 readers the chance to own a copy of The Internet Is A Playground by David Thorne.
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Not into production-line choppers? Follow Michael’s gleaming example and build your own two-wheeled mean machine Continue reading “Motoring: Red Devil” »

NURSES
Producer: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D
Starring: Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, Stoya, Katsuni, Sasha Grey, Shay Jordan, Jenna Haze

AFTER looking back at the crop of fantasy-inspired titles by Digital Playground and celebrating its Blu-ray release, it was high time that we revisited Nurses.

This movie has it all: a starlet studded line-up; light S&M across the board; and attentive health practitioners to take your temperature orally, and reciprocate anally.

At more than three hours, this feature is the pinnacle of the DP series—quite possibly the best the studio has released. Almost every scene is a FFM threesome with plenty of hard sex, spanking, choking and enthusiastic participation on both sides.

Sasha Grey has a memorable moment as an incredibly helpful Candy Striper and the finale—with one lucky bastard molested by Jesse, Riley, Katsuni, Stoya and Shay—is enough to induce a genuine cardiac arrest.

5 stars

BABE
Producer: Daring
Director: Antonio Adamo
Starring: Viva Style, Julia Taylor, Boroka Balls, Caty, Nikky Blond, Claudia Rossi

DARING is beginning to leave its mark as a producer of high quality porn. Consider it a European cousin to Digital Playground, with impressive production values, stunning women (most of whom are not silicon-enhanced—a pleasant change) and actors who really enjoy their work.

And it shows.  This story, about fashion models-cum-porn stars, is full to bursting with non-stop hard action, and throws in a One Night in Paris night-vision camera rip into the mix.

The bevy of babes is mouth-watering, and Viva Style smoulders from her first moment on camera to her scorching DP.  She is more than ably joined by Nikky Blond in a spirited anal romp, and Caty, who mesmerises throughout every second she is on screen.

4.5 stars

PSYCHO CHEERLEADERS 2
Producer: Wicked
Director: Mark Stone
Starring: Aiden Starr, Evie Delatosso, Holly West, Jennifer Dark, Sindee Jennings

THE slightly misleading title would have you think this was some schlock-horror porno.  Instead, you get a mess of cheerleaders who swap the casting couch for a psychiatrist’s couch as they work through their many issues.

The Doctor’s attempts at comedic therapy are laughable (for all the wrong reasons) with B-boy impersonations and (our favourite) using an ass-mould to simulate bongo drums, leading to many groans, albeit none of the sexual variety.

The Doctor’s recommendations always lead to sexual adventurism and, more often than not, anal.

The only real performance of note is by Sindee Jennings, as the rest of the cast look a tad MILFy to pass as cheerleaders. Stick with Digital Playground’s Cheerleaders; it’s a superior film in every way.

2.5 stars

THE EROTIC GHOST WHISPERER
Producer: Visage Films
Director: Cash Markman
Starring: Katie Morgan, Lisa Daniels, Cindy Crawford, Nautica Thorn

THERE are times when the reviewer is entertained as much by the taglines of a stick-flick as he is by the action featured within—sometimes more so.

The Erotic Ghost Whisperer splits the difference, sitting somewhere in the middle. While guffawing at the brilliance of “I see hot people” or “She’s a medium—but not in bra size”, the premise of having sex with spirits of the deceased is either laughable or genius.

Considering the apparitions are occasionally ‘tingling’ or in a smoky background, it might be best to go with laughable.

The only real stand-out is Katie Morgan, who offers a (ahem) spirited performance in both scenes, let down only by extraneous chit-chat. Less words, more action should be every porn director’s mantra…that, and don’t bite it!

2.5 stars

PAST PERFECT…

BLONDIE

Former cocktail waitress Deborah Harry was already in her 30s (ancient for a pop starlet) when she hit the big time with New Wave band Blondie, but this only added to her allure.

Blondie looked like a top-shelf MILF who had cashed in her baby bonus for contraceptives, make-up, cheap hair dye (she’s actually ginge-minged) and ‘fuck me’ outfits, and goddammit, she was out to make the most of her sexual prime.

Debbie was teacher, sultry temptress and desperado—a winning combination in the eyes of shy boys everywhere. It felt like her burning blue eyes saw what you did last night, but her luscious smirk said she though it was hot. Then there was that voice…

On the debut Blondie album she tempted you in like a siren with her soft cooing on ‘In The Flesh’ then put you between her leather thigh-high boots and owned you with tough-bitch aggro on ‘Rip Her To Shreds’.

The worldwide success of Blondie’s third album, Parallel Lines, had nothing to do with the band’s amazing affinity for songs about lines—specifically white lines, a la ‘Rush, Rush’ from 1983’s Scarface soundtrack—it was all about Deb.

At a time of punk and new directions, she was out there (and just a little bit nasty), but not in a skanky “Oh my God, did I get a sore down there just thinking about Nancy Spungen?” way.  No, Deb was superfly.  She rocked out ‘Call Me’, a song supposedly about a girl who loved a prostitute, then later

“Her blue eyes knew what you did last night and her smirk said that she liked it”

Deb confessed to gay magazine Diva that she had “lots” of sexual relationships with women, but she was “probably more heterosexual”.  As the ´80s began, Debbie was the hottest woman in my world, edging out Olivia Newton-John by a nipple.  Seriously, Olivia might get “bad” in Grease, but we all just knew Deb would be strap-on-the-kneepads-and-grab-the-plastic-sheet freaky.  She was hot-tottie punk with street cred.

The day MTV hit the air saw Debbie vamping it up in ‘Rapture’ and–get this—showing a white chick rapping for the first time ever.

And it was about weird shit, too: men from Mars eating cars. Debbie even scored her drugs from the same place as David Bowie.

Debbie eventually became too famous for the guys in Blondie, and turned to acting. She was so hip that in 1983 she played the lead—as a female wrestler—in the Broadway play Teaneck Tanzi opposite Andy Kaufman.  It lasted just two performances on Broadway—rumour has it that Debbie’s sweat-smudged, semi-naked grappling caused some of the audience to spontaneously combust, and the public liability issues were crippling.

Debbie then moved to cinema ,where she played a sadomasochistic psychiatrist who has kinky sex with James Woods in Videodrome.  It’s what we all wanted to see, but even freakier than we imagined!  I knew Deb was smoking hot, but the sight of her getting off while burning her boobs with cigarettes was too much. In the interests of preserving artistic treasures, I whipped out my firehose.

The rest of Deb’s career was anti-climactic. Blondie reformed in 1998, and still sputters along sporadically, but the sight of a 60-something Deb bursting through fishnets like cottage cheese in a sieve while singing ‘Die Young, Stay Pretty’ is like reverse Viagra.  Regrets?  Debbie once said: “I wish I had invented sex”.

Well, memories of Blondie in her prime certainly enhanced sex for many of us—hell, often we didn’t even need a woman—and those are the memories I will keep forever.

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Mia is a sexy, fun Aussie babe who loves a good time! exotic and would love to be in Penthouse! Vote for mia now!

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DEEPER THAN DEAD

Tami Hoag

Orion

IT’S 1985: A woman’s body is found, half-buried, in parkland by four 10-year-olds. The sleepy California town is shaken by the news that the murdered woman’s lips are glued shut; her eardrums pierced and her eyes blinded.

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AJ BAILEY

The amazing American babe chats to Australian Penthouse about anthropology, living in Australia, and the adult industry

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THEM CROOKED VULTURES
Self-titled
Sony

THE debut album for the supergroup of Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl, Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, and Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones. Whether you buy it out of curiosity or a genuine passion for the trio’s back-catalogue, rest assured that Them Crooked Vultures is no Audioslave.

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