Australian Penthouse

Competing sex drives can be tough to manage; Dr Charmaine Saunders offers advice on how to get the most from your love life…

It’s important to have clear boundaries in this area because no-one should ever do anything in bed that he/she doesn’t want to. However, partners who love each other want to share and give pleasure, hence the conflict.

If one partner wants sex every night and the other only once a week, this will cause problems. The simplest solution is compromise; for example, make love two to three times a week to satisfy both parties.

This issue is not just about physical needs, but emotional needs as well. The unsatisfied partner begins to resent the other and feel rejected, while the unable-to-satisfy partner feels pressured and inadequate.

It can spiral out of control if left unattended. Another important tool which can make things better is open communication. If couples can speak about their needs bravely and honestly, they can work out positive techniques in a loving way. In silence, anger grows and festers.

Loss of libido can be caused by triggers such as work stress, fatigue, childbirth, business and unresolved family issues. However, there isn’t a problem unless you make it one.

Men and women have different levels of libido, and it’s a myth that men want sex more than women. It can work either way. You shouldn’t feel rejected if your partner doesn’t want as much sex as you because sex and love are not the same thing.

The worst thing you can do is pressure your partner, as it will turn them off even more. Compromise and communication are two of the most vital elements in a relationship’s success.