Australian Penthouse

Is that what Laid Bare is about?
That’s essentially what Laid Bare is about. It’s not about sex; it’s a book about trying to figure out what love is and where to find it, and how to make it last. It started out as an article I wrote for marie claire magazine about how it feels when your wife leaves. I got a lot of letters from women around Australia thanking me for writing a candid story from the male perspective on how difficult divorce is.

How tough was it for you to actually write the book?
I took the approach that if you’re going to write a memoir, you have to write it as authentically as possible. My dark personal moments were very much a part of that story. It’s important that people understand that men—though outwardly we may appear to have no emotions at all—are actually deeply emotional, as much as any woman. We just very rarely show it.

How common is your experience among other men?
I found that my situation wasn’t that uncommon and there were a lot of guys suffering in silence and not really having anyone to talk to about what they were going through internally. I felt that it was important for me to show that it’s okay to be vulnerable and to break down and have emotions. I think it’s really important that men also be more open about the times when they are struggling, particularly with mental illness.

Mental illness?
A lot of guys I know are going through similar sorts of things to what I went through, particularly with anxiety and depression and even OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder].

You mention OCD in Laid Bare. What was your particular subset?
My subset of OCD is called ‘Pure-O’, which is short for ‘Pure Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder’. Essentially, what was happening is I would be getting intrusive and disturbing thoughts at the most inappropriate times. It’s not something you can really understand. It’s brought about by anxiety. I think OCD is an incredibly misunderstood disorder.

How so?
In the media, the impression we get of it is crazy people washing their hands 50 times a day, but it’s much more than that. The thing that most don’t understand is that people are driven to these sorts of compulsive behaviours because they’re trying to shut out thoughts and images coming into their head that they don’t want. People are killing themselves because of OCD because they don’t know who to talk to about it.

On the topic of sex, what kind of dating websites were you signed up to?
I never went on an adult personals site that was strictly geared for sex. I put a profile on one of the adult sites here in Australia, just to see what the deal was, but it didn’t strike me as something that was for me. I met most of the women I dated through more traditional online dating sites, such as RSVP.com.au.

In your experience, was RSVP more geared towards relationships or sex?
People are saying they want relationships, but it’s a meat market. If you’re in good shape, have decent looks and a bit of money, it’s very easy to fall into the player lifestyle by putting yourself online. And it’s not just men, it’s women as well. I found myself getting hundreds of emails from very desirable women. All of a sudden, it’s like being in an American supermarket where you’re overburdened with choice.

So these women were chasing you?
Oh, much more so than I was approaching them. I was frankly surprised because the woman I was deeply in love with—my ex-wife—didn’t want a bar of me. But I put myself online and hundreds of women were sending me emails and they all looked bloody fantastic. It’s great for your ego, but it’s not necessarily good for settling on one person because I think men go on there and become rock stars. We get a bit carried away with the attention. That’s certainly what happened to me.

What is the perfect middle ground for online dating?
To be honest, I have met a lot of women through online dating who have become very good friends of mine. I think online dating is fantastic for making friends, for networking, for building your social circle; I just don’t necessarily think it’s fantastic for relationships.

How did you get into the adult industry?
I wanted to do porn for as long as I could remember. When I turned 16, I realised that I had no idea how I was going to get involved, I just knew it was what I wanted to do. For some reason, I figured if I went to parties in Hollywood, I would meet someone who could help me out. I started doing just that and, sure enough, when I was 17, I met a girl who knew someone who knew someone who gave me a shot in a movie.

How important is cock size in becoming a porn star?
Not very. A giant cock is impressive and all and will get you more attention, but every producer I know will take a hard, average-sized dick over a floppy, huge penis.

What’s the most difficult or annoying part about being a dude in the industry?
Nothing. My job is pretty amazing in every way.

Who are your favourite adult actresses to work with?
I couldn’t choose favourites. There are so many great performers who I adore.

What have you learned about women during your career?
I don’t really feel like adult films necessarily teach guys anything more about women than any other profession.

What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you on set?
I never know how to answer this. Funny is subjective and there are a lot of goofy things that happen on set. Usually the most hilarious stuff is just people telling jokes.

Is it tough to keep it up and blow your load on command?
Not really. Kind of just what I do.

You’re cast alongside Lindsay Lohan in upcoming feature film The Canyons. How did you land the part and would you like to do more mainstream acting?
Bret Easton Ellis was writing this movie and started to post on Twitter that I was his ideal casting for it. We emailed back and forth, then I went through the process of meeting the producer and director and eventually it was decided that I would be best for the role. I had a great time on the mainstream set. I used to say I never wanted to do any acting and I still don’t see huge mainstream things in my future, but I’m not as opposed to it as I was before.

What’s your advice to guys who want to get into the business?
Do it! Porno is awesome.

What’s the biggest misconception about being a male porn star?
Fluffers. They do not exist.

How would you like to be remembered as a performer?
I would like to be remembered as a nice dude who was fun to be around. That applies to performing and just life in general.

Ross Clarke-Jones, 46, is 100 percent nuts; the leader of Australian big-wave surfing for 20 years, his craziness is so dyed-in-the-wool that unshorn sheep go insane when he puts on a jumper. Together, the pair make big-wave surfing documentaries that drop more jaws than an earthquake in a graveyard. Their moniker: The Storm Surfers.

Their hit movie, Storm Surfers 3D, was selected for the 2012 Toronto International Film Festival—the largest film festival in North America and second only to Cannes; an unprecedented, deserved achievement for a surf doco. It sees Carroll and RCJ pitting themselves against multi-storey waves across the world. While taunting each other. And facing their—and especially Tom’s—mortality.

Tom, you almost killed Ross with a jet ski during filming in Western Australia. Tell us about it.
Ross Clarke-Jones: Ha! That was just an accident, really. That was a big wave, the first good one we had seen. That place was wild. It’s out off the continental shelf. Real deep water.
Tom Carroll: I towed Ross onto a wave with the jet ski, and I was commentating: “This looks like a good one, it’s real smooth…” And I’m talking, but then as I go over the back of the wave, I’m still looking down at him—and then this big lump of whitewater hits me…
RCJ: And pushes him back over the ledge…
TC: …on a 600kg jet ski! And I’m 75kg, so I’ve got no say. And it just goes, BOOM! I can see it now, clearly, how slow it was going—in slow-mo, I’m going over. It felt like ages that I was at the top of the wave going, “Oh, no!” because I couldn’t punch the throttle—because that would have squirted me across the face and down in front of it, into the trough. So I just watched Ross. And instead of him going past me, he actually turned back underneath me! I saw him and I was yelling, “Argh! Ross!”
RCJ: I can’t believe it. I went straight underneath him. I was just ahead of the wave, where the lip landed.
TC: It was real close. There was a camera set up on the front of his board, angled back, and you can see me going over the falls on the back of it.

Wow. Over the falls on a 20-foot wave… on a jet ski. What was that like?
TC: I got rearranged. Every bone, all my spine, everything. Even when you try to pull your limbs in close to your body, you still get torn and ripped apart.
RCJ: He came up all angry! Haha! I’ve never seen him so angry.
TC: I was totally out of breath. I was down there for a while, too.

Do you still get scared?
RCJ: I really don’t like being scared. I don’t get scared.

Tom, didn’t your surfboard once ram you up the arse?
TC: Yeah… just north of there. I got a double date. It was in Japan in really small surf, when I was practicing like crazy before a World Tour event in 1987, on an island an eight-hour ferry ride from Tokyo. My board’s nose hit the sand and I landed on the tail with my arse. The bottom sheet of fibreglass broke away and went straight through my wetsuit and into the flesh. Oh, mate, I was crying so hard my eyes hurt. And, ah, I had some… complications after it. I was almost colostomy bag material. Another time I ruptured my stomach against my spine.

You should wear body armour.
TC: I’ve been known to wear a helmet. I split my helmet at Teahupoo, in Tahiti. My board went through it and tore into my ear, busted my eardrum, and I almost got knocked out. When you do that, you lose your balance. It sucks.
RCJ: It sucks. I did that at Reunion [Island]. I was dead-set paddling around in circles.
TC: It’s like you’ve had a whole bottle of scotch. I also had a really bad one when I was 16. I’m still suffering from that. It pulled my knee out of place up at big Umina Point. I tried to pull out at the last minute because it wasn’t tubing and this thing just landed on me, tore my whole right knee out of joint.

You’re 45 and 50, respectively. Does anyone tell either of you to maybe slow down a bit?
RCJ: I’m still frothing. I’m like a grommet.
TC: If you’re going to do something, give it all you’ve got. Fuck it. Do it with everything you’ve got.

What do you enjoy most about workingin the adult industry?
When I started out, I identified as a straight woman. Working with both men and women with a variety of sexual identities has taught me that my own sexuality is fluid. My favourite thing is [that] I have the opportunity to represent a non-stereotypical body type in porn. One of my main goals with my work is to use my body to make the statement that fat women can be desirable and sexy.

What’s the response been to your work?
I am very blessed because 99.99 percent of the feedback I get is positive. I have received many emails from women and men telling me how seeing my work has helped them feel better about themselves and made them realise they can be just as sexy as someone who is a much thinner body type.

How did you personally find confidence as a plus-size model?
For me, confidence came once I stopped basing my happiness on my weight. I idealised being thin. In my early 20s, I lost a huge amount of weight and suddenly I was a thin person, but I was a thin person who was still unhappy. I realised that happiness is a choice and my enjoyment of life was a decision I had to make in my head not based on my weight or my clothing size.

You have your own sex toy: the CyberSkin Voluptuous Vagina…
I was a little hungover that day and was relieved when they told me all I’d have to do was lay down! There were three people working on the moulding and they worked quickly and efficiently. They have developed a top-secret method that involves layers of goop and other materials that harden and become the negative of what they mould: in this case, my pussy.

SEE MORE OF APRIL FLORES at: http://fattyd.com/

How do you get on set?
It was a rocky road in the beginning. A shoot that had been set up for me and Paige fell through, so I called an agency that was looking for new male studs. They didn’t make it easy! I had to fork out the money for a motel room and meet this woman and her husband there, who brought the camera equipment. I’d driven three hours straight from my day job and was exhausted.

My head was completely in the wrong space and I couldn’t perform properly. By the time I got home, I was ready to give up but [my wife] would not let it go. She was like a dog with a bone!
Not long after that, I was lucky enough to get an audition with Anna Span, the UK’s best (and sole female) porn director. It went really well and I was invited back for the rest of the shoot.

It was Anna who nominated me for Best Male Newcomer at the 2007 UK Adult Film and TV Awards, which I won. She also got me signed up to Elle Brook’s Blue Diamond Agency, and from there the work poured in.

I was considering working in the industry full-time when my visa was approved and my wife and I moved to Australia.

I spent the next year contacting every company that produced, distributed and sold porn. I went to sex shops and SEXPO, and just as I was about to give up, I logged on to the Eros website (www.eros.org.au) and there was a link for producers and up came Adult Voyeur (www.adultvoyeur.com.au)—a completely Australian porn production company.

I spoke to them on a Wednesday, and by Friday I was doing a test shoot. I thought it had gone terribly! It was outside at 3:00am in the middle of June. It was freezing and I had a cold wind blowing up my arse. I was up and down like a yo-yo but, considering the conditions, they were impressed and took me on. I’ve been in almost every scene since.

Where do you want porn to take you?
At the moment, I’m just along for the ride and enjoying where it’s taking me, but I would like to be involved in porn in some way for the rest of my life, maybe as a producer or opening an agency. I really want to see the Australian porn industry succeed and for Adult Voyeur to become as big and as successful as I truly believe it can be.

I would be very proud if I could say that I came to Australia when there was virtually no porn industry at all and I helped create it.

What are you working on at the moment?
I’m actually running a course on policing the organised crime aspects of the Australian bikie club for the Federal Police Executive College. A few police station masters from each state come along, and I try to teach them how to mediate between the police and the bikies because the traditional ‘hammer’ approach is just not working.

How do you remain objective? It must be difficult, considering that you have friends on both sides…
If I’m hanging out with a bikie club for a while, each night I call Julie van den Eynde, my field-note archivist, and debrief her thoroughly as to what happened, so the notes are as clean as they can be. I then get Julie to work me back through it all and take out any bias. It’s a scientific process—an insider/outsider technique.

Are there differences between US and Australian bikie clubs?
There is no [crime] problem here, compared with America. In a lot of ways, we have a pretty laidback, peaceful society, and our bikies tend to be that way, too. There is a lot more violence in the US gangs, and the customs are different. When the first Australian Banditos went over in around 1983 to meet up with the Banditos in America, they were shocked. They’d walk around a Bandito home and be offered the host’s wife or partner, and this shocked them because that custom did not take off here.

Is there an official mediator between bikie clubs in Australia?
The Motorcycle Council of Queensland tries to keep the Queensland clubs in line, and is by far the best tribunal in Australia. They allow two members from each club to come in and air their grievances, in an attempt to stop turf wars.
What is the major difference between a gang and a club?
Club is the preferred term. Bikies usually see ‘gang’ as a derogatory police term. You are only seen as a legitimate club when you have formed a group with absolutely no criminals in it, and you are operating at a level that is respectable within society.

How does one go about starting a bikie chapter in Australia?
There’s a hierarchy and a protocol that must be followed to get a club officially accepted in Australia. You need at least six members, three in smaller rural areas, and you have to get approval from the mother club, usually in the United States.
Why do you think that bikie clubs are seen in such a negative light?
Because some of the members in the clubs are criminals. However, what needs to be known is that bikie clubs are not criminal entities—some just have a few bad eggs in them. This is why other clubs are getting angry. There has been a drop in the core values of outlaw motorcycle clubs, and this is what we are attempting to wipe out for good.

Needing to form a good, well-balanced squad, I went on the hunt for a young internet gun, and all roads led to a quietly spoken guy from Adelaide who was making more money than most CEOs playing poker online.

I found it odd that shy and retiring Jonathan Karamalikis was better known as “Monster Dong” on the web, but he was certainly making his mark.

Last year, Karamalikis joined a select group of Australian pros when he was sponsored by online gaming giant Full Tilt Poker, and he immediately repaid their faith in him by winning the PokerStars Asian Pacific Poker Tour (APPT) Grand Final in Sydney in December.

Not only did the victory catapult  Jonathan into the top echelon of Australian poker, it also saw him take home just under half a million dollars in prize money. I had a chat with the Dong at the recent Crown Aussie Millions tournament in Melbourne…

Okay, Jonathan, why “Monster Dong”?

Haha! It’s always the first question. Obviously, I had a lack of confidence when I invented the name. I made “Monster Dong” my online handle to make myself feel better about my adolescent issues, and to try and convince everyone that I actually have a big dong.

When did you start playing poker?

My mate taught me how to play when I was 16. That same night, I created an account at a play-money website and played endlessly. It took me about six months to learn the basics, and from there I’ve never looked back.

What are the most obvious differences between playing online and playing live tournament poker?

Being able to see who you’re playing against live is a huge advantage. I can usually work out what kind of people [my opponents] are in the first 20 minutes. Online, there’s a lot more re-raising and aggressive play. Live play is more focused on post-flop action.

Outside of poker, what else do you enjoy doing?

I spend most of my time hanging out with my mates, watching basketball and going to the gym, when I have the time to get into a routine. I also love travelling and seeing new places. I spend four to five months of the year on the road.

Where to next, Mr Dong?

I want to do Europe sometime this year, go play some tournaments on the EPT [European Poker Tour] circuit and perhaps visit London for World Series Europe. And obviously I’ll be going to Las Vegas for the World Series—that’s a “can’t miss”; however, I might just go for the Main Event this year because my mates and I never actually play poker when we’re there…

Do you see poker as a career option, or just a hobby?

I consider poker to be both a career and a hobby. I see it as a competitive sport because you’re always looking to improve. I’m more than happy to keep doing this for now.