THREE GIRLS, ONE CAR

Is that what Laid Bare is about?
That’s essentially what Laid Bare is about. It’s not about sex; it’s a book about trying to figure out what love is and where to find it, and how to make it last. It started out as an article I wrote for marie claire magazine about how it feels when your wife leaves. I got a lot of letters from women around Australia thanking me for writing a candid story from the male perspective on how difficult divorce is.

How tough was it for you to actually write the book?
I took the approach that if you’re going to write a memoir, you have to write it as authentically as possible. My dark personal moments were very much a part of that story. It’s important that people understand that men—though outwardly we may appear to have no emotions at all—are actually deeply emotional, as much as any woman. We just very rarely show it.

How common is your experience among other men?
I found that my situation wasn’t that uncommon and there were a lot of guys suffering in silence and not really having anyone to talk to about what they were going through internally. I felt that it was important for me to show that it’s okay to be vulnerable and to break down and have emotions. I think it’s really important that men also be more open about the times when they are struggling, particularly with mental illness.

Mental illness?
A lot of guys I know are going through similar sorts of things to what I went through, particularly with anxiety and depression and even OCD [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder].

You mention OCD in Laid Bare. What was your particular subset?
My subset of OCD is called ‘Pure-O’, which is short for ‘Pure Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder’. Essentially, what was happening is I would be getting intrusive and disturbing thoughts at the most inappropriate times. It’s not something you can really understand. It’s brought about by anxiety. I think OCD is an incredibly misunderstood disorder.

How so?
In the media, the impression we get of it is crazy people washing their hands 50 times a day, but it’s much more than that. The thing that most don’t understand is that people are driven to these sorts of compulsive behaviours because they’re trying to shut out thoughts and images coming into their head that they don’t want. People are killing themselves because of OCD because they don’t know who to talk to about it.

On the topic of sex, what kind of dating websites were you signed up to?
I never went on an adult personals site that was strictly geared for sex. I put a profile on one of the adult sites here in Australia, just to see what the deal was, but it didn’t strike me as something that was for me. I met most of the women I dated through more traditional online dating sites, such as RSVP.com.au.

In your experience, was RSVP more geared towards relationships or sex?
People are saying they want relationships, but it’s a meat market. If you’re in good shape, have decent looks and a bit of money, it’s very easy to fall into the player lifestyle by putting yourself online. And it’s not just men, it’s women as well. I found myself getting hundreds of emails from very desirable women. All of a sudden, it’s like being in an American supermarket where you’re overburdened with choice.

So these women were chasing you?
Oh, much more so than I was approaching them. I was frankly surprised because the woman I was deeply in love with—my ex-wife—didn’t want a bar of me. But I put myself online and hundreds of women were sending me emails and they all looked bloody fantastic. It’s great for your ego, but it’s not necessarily good for settling on one person because I think men go on there and become rock stars. We get a bit carried away with the attention. That’s certainly what happened to me.

What is the perfect middle ground for online dating?
To be honest, I have met a lot of women through online dating who have become very good friends of mine. I think online dating is fantastic for making friends, for networking, for building your social circle; I just don’t necessarily think it’s fantastic for relationships.

How does power come into it?
One critical aspect of our relationships with other people is dominance. That’s where power comes into play—the power we have over other people or that other people have over us, whether that be political, economic, workplace, or down to the relationships we have within our families where there are incredible power plays.

Which is more impactful: societal or interpersonal relationships?
Well, they’re both pretty important. Bertrand Russell, the great philosopher, said, “Power is the fundamental substance of human relationships, just as energy is the fundamental substance of physics.” Basically, human beings are a group species; we evolved to live and hunt and survive in groups and therefore most species that have groups have dominant hierarchies within them.

How exactly does power affect people’s interpersonal relationships?
On the small scale, most husband/wife or partner relationships involve a certain degree of power. The definition of power is having control over resources that the other person or other people fear or want. If one person is more in love with the other person, there’s an imbalance. The fact that one person is more emotionally needy will give the other person more power. There are a number of psychological mechanisms that can lead to distortion and a negative cycle of behaviour of the powerful person, so the powerful person starts to see the less-powerful person in progressively more negative terms because of the power imbalance.

How does power actually affect the brain?
Power makes people feel good because it increases testosterone, in both men and women. And that testosterone, in turn, increases the level of dopamine activity in the middle of the brain in an area called the ‘reward network’. That’s the area of the brain that activities like sex and taking drugs act on: it’s the feel-good centre. When that up-regulates, it gives us that ‘glow’ we get when we have sex or when we achieve or when we get that promotion. That glow is the up-regulation of dopamine in the reward network. And being given power operates through the same system.

What are the mental benefits of power?
Being given tiny amounts of power temporarily makes you smarter, it makes you more focused on goals and makes you more confident that you can achieve them, it makes you more action-oriented, it makes you less depressed, and it makes you less anxious. It makes you think more abstractly and strategically.

What are the effects of an absence of power?
A powerless position down-regulates dopamine and increases the activity of noradrenaline, which is a kind of threat transmitter, and that activates more of the right-front part of the brain, which is the cautious ‘accountant’ part of the brain.

How does the brain maintain balance?
In a way, the human brain is two people, metaphorically speaking. One is the kind of gung-ho, confident chief executive and the other is the cautious chief financial officer, always worrying about the downsides and the plausible threats. They make a good team, but the problem with unfettered power is that it basically bullies and inhibits the cautious accountant side of the brain and you get the kind of recklessness and bizarre distorted judgement that led to the Global Financial Crisis.

What’s the most obvious difference between your escort service and others?
We’ve thoroughly researched what men look for in a woman. Think back to the 1950s housewife: the wife was immaculately presented and her husband would come home from work after she’d spent hours making sure that she looked good.

She had dinner served, the house cleaned, and she had a twist of naughtiness.

And today’s man is looking for a 1950s woman?
Yes, but with a twist of our generation. A man wants a woman who is immaculately presented, educated—but not as smart as him—she cooks and cleans and she loves to have sex.

Where do you find such women?
Well, it’s a difficult search, but Stepfords are girls who would walk down the street and you would not know that they’re escorts.

Some have university degrees, some have high-end jobs and some are models. I’ve looked for qualities in our girls who can cook and clean, who are nymphomaniacs, and who know how to please a man.

Does hiring for cooking meals also mean hiring for sex?
If you’re hiring someone to cook, obviously the first hour is going to be spent cooking, unless you want a burned meal by having ‘breaks’.

Most of our clients request a two-hour booking, so the first hour will be cooking, and the second hour will be sex.

You can hire just for the cooking side of things or just for a corporate event but, realistically, no-one does that. They want sex at the end, and the main concept [we sell] is the whole experience, not just one side of it.

It’s not Photoshopped and you get a realistic view of what the girl looks like, without having to look through a heap of photos.

Which packages are the most popular with clients?
It’s probably a tie between the Porn Star Experience, including the ‘double fantasy’ of two girls, or the cooking. There are two things that men need: good sex and good food.

The Porn Star Experience sounds intriguing. Tell us more…
The Stepfords obviously enjoy having sex. For the Porn Star Experience, we have many clients with fetishes so we explore many different fantasies; for instance, some men like to be dominated, which is actually quite common.

This is where the naughty little Stepford can transform from submissive housewife to naughty little dominatrix.

What sort of training do you offer the girls?
We do a thorough interview process to make sure the girls are what we’re looking for and what our clients are looking for. After that, they are trained in cooking to make sure that the menu set is the same across the board.

Obviously, none of them need to be trained in sex. However, I can tell you that two of our Stepfords decided to see how it would feel to be a client instead of the professional.

They hired a male escort, who didn’t know they were escorts themselves, to see how it would feel from a client’s perspective: the anticipation of knowing that someone was going to come over and that you were going to pay them for sex… They had a threesome with a male escort, so that was a bit of training.

Back in Black

How do you get on set?
It was a rocky road in the beginning. A shoot that had been set up for me and Paige fell through, so I called an agency that was looking for new male studs. They didn’t make it easy! I had to fork out the money for a motel room and meet this woman and her husband there, who brought the camera equipment. I’d driven three hours straight from my day job and was exhausted.

My head was completely in the wrong space and I couldn’t perform properly. By the time I got home, I was ready to give up but [my wife] would not let it go. She was like a dog with a bone!
Not long after that, I was lucky enough to get an audition with Anna Span, the UK’s best (and sole female) porn director. It went really well and I was invited back for the rest of the shoot.

It was Anna who nominated me for Best Male Newcomer at the 2007 UK Adult Film and TV Awards, which I won. She also got me signed up to Elle Brook’s Blue Diamond Agency, and from there the work poured in.

I was considering working in the industry full-time when my visa was approved and my wife and I moved to Australia.

I spent the next year contacting every company that produced, distributed and sold porn. I went to sex shops and SEXPO, and just as I was about to give up, I logged on to the Eros website (www.eros.org.au) and there was a link for producers and up came Adult Voyeur (www.adultvoyeur.com.au)—a completely Australian porn production company.

I spoke to them on a Wednesday, and by Friday I was doing a test shoot. I thought it had gone terribly! It was outside at 3:00am in the middle of June. It was freezing and I had a cold wind blowing up my arse. I was up and down like a yo-yo but, considering the conditions, they were impressed and took me on. I’ve been in almost every scene since.

Where do you want porn to take you?
At the moment, I’m just along for the ride and enjoying where it’s taking me, but I would like to be involved in porn in some way for the rest of my life, maybe as a producer or opening an agency. I really want to see the Australian porn industry succeed and for Adult Voyeur to become as big and as successful as I truly believe it can be.

I would be very proud if I could say that I came to Australia when there was virtually no porn industry at all and I helped create it.

We understand your agency has outlasted many others. What do you think is the secret behind your success?
Basically, we have a really high calibre of applicants. They have so much compatibility with one another. I think our branding and marketing really attracts the right client. Also, we are very selective with who we take on. We don’t take just anybody and hope for the best, which I think is an approach that’s got other agencies into trouble in the past.

What do you do if there aren’t any potential matches?What do you do if there aren’t any potential matches?

We tell them we’ll touch base in a month or two. Everybody is at a different point in the dating game. Some people are in relationships, some are waiting for a date, some have just gone on a date. So people who were not available become available, and new people join the service who could end up being compatible. It’s constantly changing and evolving.

Has the service led to any marriages?
Yes, we’ve had several marriages. The first one was a couple who had only been dating for five months. And we actually had our first baby born last August. That’s pretty special. What kind of women sign on for the service? Our women are professional; some are business owners. We have a lot of very savvy entrepreneurs across a range of dynamic and vibrant industries. A lot of our women are looking for men who are truly their equal—someone who is confident, charismatic and good-humoured; a gentleman who has been raised with old-fashioned values. The women are financially secure, so they’re not looking for somebody to support them by any means. They’re fit, athletic, well-groomed, stylish and attractive. The women we represent get approached constantly by men who want to go out with them, but they are selective about who they want to be with, and that’s why they join.